I had a beautiful, fortuitous conversation today with a friend I haven’t known for very long. We talked for well over an hour about so many things that I didn’t realize I needed to be reminded of.

For much of my life, I felt like I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. I have always been surrounded with people who were very purpose driven, who had a singular reason they were put on this earth, and who spent their waking hours in pursuit of that purpose. I have always been so hard on myself because I felt that, because I wasn’t like them, because I didn’t have that one singular thing that drove me to get out of bed in the morning, there was something wrong with me, that somehow I had missed it. In my mind, the “mistakes” I had made – decisions I had made, people I had gotten into relationships with, etc. – had wasted so much time and had taken me farther away from this mysterious purpose that was supposed to direct my life.

But what I’ve come to believe as I’ve gotten older is that my life IS my purpose. I experienced some painful, difficult things in my past that seemed like they were nothing but distractions, fires I had to put out. But if I hadn’t gone through some of those things that were painful and hard, I wouldn’t be able to do some of the things that I do now that serve me so well in this phase of my life. My purpose, as I’ve come to see it, is to LIVE MY LIFE … to make the best decisions I know to make in the moment … to grow and evolve … to use each phase of my life and the lessons I’ve learned to prepare me for the next phase … to be the hero of my own story.

I guess I say all of this as a reminder to be gentle with myself … to approach my life with so much more curiosity than criticism. What is this situation here to teach me? What do I know in my heart to be true, regardless of what anyone else says? The things I’m going through now that I don’t understand, they’re not here because I’ve done something wrong! That has been one of the most difficult lessons for me to learn, but I’m learning. I don’t see clearly right now why it’s here and why it matters, but it does. It all matters. And, on the best days, I believe that one day I will know why. I will once again be able to look back and see how what I’m experiencing now has served me. For now, just living it is enough.